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Innocent Emails

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Soon after that, the emails started… the first one from Cathy.

“Sorry to hear about your arm. Wow … four kids and six grandkids??? Congrats! That is marvelous! Boys or girls? How long have you been married?
Re: Martin and Gale …
Martin died about 11 years ago. He crashed his experimental plane. He had just put a new engine in it and decided the engine’s maiden voyage should be over the mountains of Utah. You know how he was … loved anything that flew, floated, or was different. His death was a toughie. OK … it was brutal. Couldn’t think straight for about six months. But I cherish every moment I had with him.
Gale lives in Atlanta now. We are very close. She’s the sister I always wanted.
Write when your arm is better”

 

Bobby Replied:

“Floods of memories are falling right now Very sad about Martin 🙁

I have 2 natural sons 1 adopted boy and 1 adopted daughter. They are my 2nd wife’s kids, but now mine too, We have been married 18 years. More about that side when I can type easier. Great life with her, she loves life and is up for anything, still!   You talked about influence impact on your life; well in a way, you set the standard for what I searched for later. Independent; free-spirited kinda ‘I Want you; but don’t need you, an attitude which I took from our time. At least that’s how you came across to me.  That one statement describes my wife. 🙂 So before I get all philosophical and start walking through chains of events I’ll leave that alone for a while. I do remember something; I think… I think I remember you left suddenly and I spent some time looking for you; but that could be a memory clouded by the former use of drugs, fading cells; and basic confusion. Send a hug to Gale for me.. damn, I loved that house! Over to you 🙂 “

and the innocent, getting to know each other, emails continued…

Cathy Returns with:

“So good to hear that you have landed in such a happy place … great wife, lots of offspring, beautiful environs. Wonderful.

I was very surprised to hear that I played a part in setting any kind of standard for you, and also of your impression from our time to together. I didn’t feel very independent or free-spirited back then. Maybe I was just gearing up for what I was to become because I definitely am that now.

In reality, I think I was a little in awe of … and overwhelmed by … you. You were so confident, and seemed so much more worldly and experienced than I. Remember I used to call you Jade? It was my version of a double entendre … your eyes were jade green, and I considered you jaded because you had had so many (in my eyes at the time) adventurous intimate encounters. You were my first good experience with sex … did you know that?

I don’t think your recollection is clouded by anything. I did disappear. I disappeared the first time for two years (and thought about you every day of those two years). The second time I just disappeared. A little late and pointless for an apology … but still, it was bad behavior. I remember thinking that continuing the relationship would lead to a very painful place … that your interest in me would turn out to be fleeting … that I wouldn’t be woman enough to hold your interest for long. Ah … the insecurities of youth … how wonderful to have left them behind.”

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Bobby, replies.

“Wow; a lot said in a short email. Brought a tear, for so many reasons. Who knows what that path would have brought; but I know I was totally fascinated with you for whatever reasons back then. Well, I’m glad you have become what I thought LOL that’s good to hear 🙂 Jade…damn I remember that now. Didn’t know the meaning thought Sex? well, gee thanks !! Yeah, I remember too. I think I remember you were in an abusive relationship right before that?? Yeah; I thought about you when you left..like wtf happened? What did I do (insecurities of youth) I thought about you a lot today…wait..before you get all paranoid that I’m trying to bring the past into today’s reality, I’m not. but there is a lot of fond memories and emotions that came up and I’m just tellin’ you as they appear. ok? cool. This is fun reconnecting and all. I was really messed up then. confident haha that’s good; my mom always says I’m a born actor… I had no idea who I was or where I was going…yeah you too? 🙂

There are a few people (besides family of course) that are in very special places as it was in my heart, and you and the time are one. Here’s a question…what in the world made you log into this place and look me up?? I landed there because a friend invited me. Now I use it for the business promotion.

write when u can I’m loving this!

thanks for all those nice words !!!”

The emails continue with Cathy coming back with

“Oh my gosh, I’m so glad you said that! I was afraid I was creeping you out with my reminiscing!! Not to worry … I’m not reading anything into our reconnecting other than just what it is … memories of a very sweet and special time. Soooo far away in time, so far away from who we are today. And yet, on some level, there is still a connection. Strange, isn’t it? Maybe we leave little pieces of ourselves in our wake as we wend our way through life; little pieces we shared and that still live in the hearts of others. Remembering us and our experience together is making me realize that the girl I thought I had left behind long ago is still a part of me after all. It … this … I’m finding it surprisingly emotional.
I gotta tell ya … I am lovin’ this, too. There is something sort of … validating … about knowing what your true feelings were back then.

How’d I ended up finding you? Well, my little brother had been wanting to see pics of my Panama houses so he set up an acct. When I was talking to him the other day about it, he told me that an old girlfriend had looked him up on his acct. I thought “Hey … I wonder if ….” and so I looked up your name. I think four or five Bobby Parkers popped up, but I wrote to the first one on the list. And it was you.

I noticed that you use your acct for mostly business purposes. But can I see pics anyway? It’s only fair … you get to see how I turned out as a geezerette. I should be able to see how you turned out as a geezer, right?? 😉 😉

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“Remember the enormous furniture Martin made? The bed was so big they had
to leap into it. Before you got home I would rush to shower and shave and slather myself with Desert Flower lotion When I heard the sound of your engine, my heart would
be in my throat.
Let me know when I’m creeping you out. ”

Memories start to flow a bit more in email

From Bobby Date: Saturday, August 23, 2008, 5:18 AM

“I”m not going to wait for u to write back; will just write as things come up. I had no idea u thought the way you did; if I did I may have been more compassionate; more open. I thought I was just a good fun guy on your way to something else. Even though instinctively I knew it was selfish; and uncaring to try to smother you and keep you with me I still hated to see you leave but u were just coming into your own and that should be done by yourself with no one influencing your decisions.
I hate when I see young girls now fall for what they think is their perfect mate and they’re 19 or so and there is SO MUCH more to see and experience. I tell this to all my grandkids; kids; people I know etc. Don’t settle!

Anyway.. I remember when you left either the next day or the same day I found a towel you last used and I held in my lap sat on the bed in an empty room that was so full of life just hours before and sobbed a bit…Just feeling sorry for myself, You left something; a pin or earing or something and I carried that with me and kept in a jar for years…no I have no idea where it is now,,, 🙁

I remember when you wore those light dresses and would walk by the big sliding doors and sun was just right I could see your silhouette within the dress. Drove me crazy not so much all sexual but just the beauty of it.
Damn, I wish we had pictures of those time; us; Martin and Gale the house; my favorite dog, us…oh did I mention us? 🙂
Let’s not ever lose track of each other ever, ever, again. EVER here’s my address send me yours so we can look on google maps (maps.google.com) and look at our houses that sound immature but so be it

So much more to write so hard to peck on the keyboard..so close for now ”

Then from Cathy.

Sent: Saturday, August 23, 2008 12:54 PM

Subject: Re: deeper memories

“Oh, my. You are so eloquent. The things you write are beautiful and poignant. Thank you for sharing these things with me. This … reconnection, and discovering things about that far away time that I didn’t know … it’s running me through a very unfamiliar gamut of emotions. I understand some of it. The rest … well, I guess I’m just letting it wash over me like an unexpected gift for now.

I can’t write a whole lot right now. My comp at home is on the fritz so I’m at the library.

I remember … sitting at that enormous picnic table in the dining area and gazing into those jade green eyes of yours. We would say “I sure do like you” to each other, but we wouldn’t take our words any farther. Both afraid, I suppose. Neither of us was wanting to be vulnerable. I found in you … gentleness … a certain softness … great passion … an inquisitiveness … a huge sensuality. And the most marvelous of touches. Ah, yes. You made my body sing. And … even in my naivety … I thought a sort of innocence emanated from you. You were, in large part, a mystery to me … a beautiful enigma.

You tell me about smelling the towel … and the earring … Although it was so long ago … it still causes me pain to hear about it … to know I hurt you. And to know we might have had something real and significant if we hadn’t been so young and stupid. (Not creeped out yet, I hope.) I’m sure our lives have gone according to plan. But it is hard not to wonder where we could have gone together … how we might have grown together.

I think Gale has a picture of the two of us down by the river. Or else she gave it to me. I will look.

Library comp is kicking me off.

So good to talk to you. Good, in a strange way, to know that even though we did indeed let something slip through our fingers, it wasn’t for lack of feeling on either of our parts. Yes? ”

 

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